Costco Muffins

Costco muffins are the devils work. They are so good, would you believe one of those suckers has 670 calories in it?! After injesting one, I found this out, that's more than half of my alloted calories for the day. Besides that I ate a handfull of choclate chips and half a cheese enchalada. I'm estimating that puts be at about 1100 calories. That means I can have some fruit or something when I get home, but not much more. I went grocery shopping today with my boyfriend at Costco. I love that place because you really do get your money's worth, and I havent found better produce anywhere else. I know I do better staying on track when I actually have food in the house. Im in a pretty down mood today, I had a pretty unpleasant conversation with my boyfriend today, things just arent the same as before, I have a lot more feelings for him than he does for me...more specifically, he does not love me anymore. This is why we are dating, because he's trying to figure out whether or not he will ever be able to fall in love with me again.

Why does this equate in my mind as a need to lose weight? Why is it that my opinion is still that if I'm skinny it will solve all my problems? Perhaps this is because I've never been skinny, and I see it as some unreachable light at the end of the tunnel, that will somehow make me more worthwile of a person, more loveable, more valuable...Am I alone on this? If someone were to tell me that was the way they felt, I'd look at them with disgust and ask them where they left their self worth, but the sad truth is this is how I feel. I'm very good at convincing myself of things, and I'm pretty set on the fact that he, or anyone else will not love me until I'm skinny. And I don't blame them, I dont love myself right now much either.