To me, a diet should have always been an everyday thing. Cursed with a slow metabolism since birth, I've always ranged from a little bit to a lot heavier than other people my age. Now this isn't completely to blame on jeans, my Italian appetite can tend to get the best of me, a lot of the time. Growing up, I ate a lot, and my parents would feed me whenever I asked thinking "A four year old wouldnt lie about being hungry", not realizing I was eating out of boredom and because it tasted good. In the third grade I was 130 lbs which was a ton for my 5'5 frame. I was and always have been very self consious about my body no matter what my weight at the moment, stemming I think from this time period. Going into my freshman year of highschool, I lost about 30 lbs, leaving me to teeter around 160-180, where I stayed for the entirety of my highschool career. College however was a whole new ballgame. My freshman year of college I had my first serious boyfriend; my first love. Feeling loved, in combination with not living at home, eating cafateria, and drinking resulted in an astonishing 60 lb weight gain. This left me at 220 lbs, and desperately unhappy. Eventually, I got fed up enough where the idea of losing the weight was the only option, yet losing the 80 lbs I knew I had to seemed impossible.
I started trying a year ago, and since then I have lost 45 lbs. It has been complete torture, and had it's ups and downs. This was especially hard for me when I broke up with my boyfriend, wanted nothing to do with him to be single and then 6 months later realized I'd made a huge mistake while he was dating someone else. I only tell you this because eventually after 4 months, I convinced him to give me another chance and, now we are back together, which puts my weightloss in jepordy if I follow the same pattern as last time. I find myself struggling with dieting lately, because along with having a relationship, comes dinners, parties, etc.
I have an extremely unhealthy attitude about food, when I do overeat, I feel terrible about it the whole day. It consumes my thoughts, and makes me feel discouraged and defeated. My attitude about myself does connect with my weight, I hate reading what I wrote just then, but it's absolutly true. I know the solution is to not overeat, and am trying to get back on track so I can stop feeling this way. I will not be happy until I have lost the 40 lbs I have left to lose. I had a diet blog before and I'm hoping it will help me get back on track as it did in the beginning. I'd love to read others thoughts and share in the struggle that is weightloss.
Starting Weight: 220
Current Weight: 178
Goal Weight: 140
2 comments:
I am right there with you that when you eat something bad, you just can't help thinking about it and being hard on yourself. I do it too. Not so much anymore cause I've realized if I allow myself treats every day in moderation, then I don't obsess over stuff I can't have and don't feel the need to binge on it.
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